Internet dating—avoiding the biggest mistake guys make when contacting women online

Dating on the internet is by nature going to require you to send emails to the women you’re interested in. Well, actually, if you do things just right you are going to get women to send emails to you first, but the bottom line is that email communication is inevitable. That means that you have to really maximize the effectiveness of your emails if you plan to be successful.

Attractive women get between 20 and 50 emails a day from guys interested in them. I talked to a girl the other day, an average looking girl, and she told me she gets about three pages of emails a day. That’s 30 freakin’ emails every single day from guys trying to hook up with her.

So to break the mold you have to make sure you follow the proper Seduction Sequence—something most guys just don’t do. Doing things out of order is one of the biggest mistakes guys make when dating online. If you don’t follow the right order of things, you’re going to get blown off or at best end up in the friend zone.

The biggest mistake you can make is to ask personal questions too early in the internet dating process. You’d think that asking questions would be a good way to get to know her…it’s kind of common sense, no? Women even ask you to do it in their profiles, writing things like, “If you want to know more about me, just ask!”

Maybe you’ve tried “just asking”. If so, you know it doesn’t work. And the reason is simple: this step comes MUCH later in the Seduction Sequence.

Sending an initial email with questions like: “Where are you from? What are your goals in life? Do you have anything planned for the weekend? What do you do for work? How are you doing today?” does not make an emotional connection with her. Not only are they boring, but it’s way too early to ask them. In order for her to want to answer you, you have to have built rapport and found common interests. To do that you have to have gotten her interested in you and made her prove herself.

There are several ways to make her attracted to you, and one is to tease her and joke around in your initial emails. You want her to be interested in learning more about you. Being fun and playful from the beginning is critical to the success of your seduction. You do, however, have to be careful not to come off as a comedian or a clown. The whole idea is to get her interested in you as a potential romantic partner, not as a friend or someone who just makes her laugh. If things work out well, you can certainly become friends; but that comes later.

I cover more ways to make her attracted to you and get into a lot more detail in Instant Internet Attraction. There are so many nuances that we just don’t have enough room to cover it all here.

Next you have to make her prove herself to you, and the best way to do that is a system I call ORBO: opportunity, reward, back-off.

The thing to remember with this is that you have to let her know you find something interesting about her besides her looks. In fact, you should wait until you’ve been physical (at least a kiss) before you mention anything about her looks or how attractive you find her. That means until after you’ve actually met her if you’ve up to this point only talked through an internet dating site.

The way you get her to realize there’s something about her besides her looks that you find attractive is by asking her questions and giving her opportunities to show you who she really is. Then you reward her for the way she thinks and the things she’s done . And quickly back off.

You can tell her that you like the way her mind works, or that you find her interesting. It doesn’t have to be very specific, and actually works better sometimes the more vague it is—that way she attaches her own meaning to it. Saying something like, “I like the way you look at things” is good enough to work for you.

What you’re doing here is asking questions or making comments that allow her to follow up with her own thoughts, and then you’re complimenting her on the way she thinks (or telling her that she has an interesting mind, is intriguing, has a great point of view, etc.). You are showing that you appreciate something else than her looks or her body.

ORBO her a few and make sure to vary the rewards. It can be your next email, your phone number, letting her take you out, or a comment you make to her. Remember that after you reward her you have to back off a bit or she’s going to feel uncomfortable.

That’s a little bit of the breakdown regarding why so many guys mess up their online dating efforts. It really all boils down to some basic principles of attraction and human psychology. Learning those and following the Seduction Sequence is essential to being successful with women, both on and off line.

Again, I cover this much more in-depth in
Instant Internet Attraction, but I’ll give you the whole Seduction Sequence here so you have it to look at.

The 5 elements to The Seduction Sequence in the proper order:
• Meet
• Make her attracted to you
• Make her prove herself to you
• Build a connection
• Seduce

Following this sequence will get you tons more results from your online communications.